Tag Archives: judgement

Reserve Judgment

25 Nov


This weekend I had incredibly debilitating pain in my chest. It hurt so much, it radiated into my upper back. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest, and it was hard to breathe. Normally I would panic in a situation like this, but since it’s happened before and went away, I just dealt with it. Normally my heart burn has been quite manageable during my pregnancy. Papaya enzyme pills and Tums helped. In the past month, nothing has really helped. It constantly feels like there is bile in my throat, I’m burping a lot (sorry), and often get close to throwing up. Luckily I haven’t lost any weight, as my doctor has told me I don’t have any I can afford to lose.

To make sure everything is normal, I went to my doctor today. We discussed my symptoms, went over remedies (one of which included eating smaller meals throughout the day which I already do). I have literally tried all of them. I made the decision to go on a prescription medication for the heart burn. The drug I will take is graded B for pregnancy (the scale is A-F, with A being the best; pretty much the only thing graded A is water), so that makes me more comfortable.

Throughout my pregnancy I’ve been trying to do everything I can to protect our baby. I try to get in all my veggies and protein. I try to eat as much organic food as possible. I’ve even started to eat more dairy products again (again, organic) for the calcium. I meditate, take walks, and do stretches/yoga when I can. Taking medication during my pregnancy sometimes makes me feel like a bad mother. It’s not even so much how I feel about it, but how I feel others feel about it.

A friend of mine added me to a moms’ group on Facebook recently. It’s nice to have a support network, however, I feel some of the mothers in the group can be quite judgmental. Instead of “Oh, this works for me when my child won’t sleep,” some moms will say, “Well, you should really be co-sleeping with your child until they are such and such age.” Granted, most of the mothers aren’t like that, but when you are a mom, a mom-to-be, or new to the whole mom thing, you can be a little sensitive. My cousin’s wife posted on Facebook that she needed a C-section due to some medical reasons, and some moms went on to tell her some very insensitive things about C-sections. A C-section might not be her first choice, but she is going to do what is right for her and her baby’s health, under the consultation of her doctor who she trusts.

It seems like sometimes women can be so competitive when it comes to “finding” a man, competing for jobs, and in relation to children. I feel like we should all be more supportive of each other. We are all in this together, and are all trying to do the best we can with what we have. Each and every child is different; not every child will respond to something the same way as another. As long as your child is happy, you are not physically or mentally hurting anyone else, you aren’t doing anything illegal, and everyone is healthy, I say do what you need to do. Don’t judge another mom for using formula; you don’t know what is going on with her, her child or her body. You don’t know if she is crying on the inside each and every time she gives her child formula. You don’t know if she is suffering from a medical condition that prohibits her from breastfeeding. You don’t know if her child might have an illness that requires them to be on a special kind of formula. You don’t know if she has been yearning for a child for years and was finally able to adopt. It all boils down to this—you do not know what it’s like to walk in another mom’s shoes. You only have your experiences. Use those to try to help someone, and not lecture them. And don’t judge them if they choose not to use your advice.

Tomorrow, if you see a mom struggling, go give her a hug. That may be all the support she needs.